A heart that is heavy & unsettled.
They say the truth will set you free. But does it really? The way I see it, the truth will either get you in trouble or get your mind into trouble. Either way, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE.
We all know that you can read this as many times as you want but in the end you're still going to do whatever you want. But if there's any way of me putting an end to what you're doing then I'll do my best.
Today I asked myself, "Was it worth it?" In the heat of the moment, yes. For whatever reason, making up a life that isn't yours is just a game to play. But we don't really think about who it's going to affect should someone find out the truth. It's not until you lose important people in your life that you realize, "Damn... Why did I even do that in the first place?"
People will surprise you. Sometimes they're able to look past the wrong you did, and try to see the good again. The painful truth is that the relationship you had with that person will never be the same again. But who's to say that you can't work to get there? If not 100%, then try for 95%. It's better than losing them forever. They're giving you a chance to make things right. Take that chance before it's too late. It's during that time you should open your eyes to how much they really love you & care about you. Because even though you lied & deceived & hurt them so deeply, somehow they were able to make it water under the bridge. They're willing to forgive & start over. The only thing YOU can do is take that second chance, and this time around make it right.
The truth won't set you free. The truth sets you up for guilt, shame, & hurt. You're not free. You're a prisoner to these emotions. But use this experience to turn it around. Show them who you really are. Because if they genuinely love YOU, then that's all that matters. Just be thankful they didn't push you way out of their life.
I feel experiences so deeply. And conversations will constantly be replaying in my mind like a rerun of Grey's Anatomy. I'll never forget how they made me feel. But instead of harboring these feelings & letting it control how I see the future, I'll take it as a rude awakening. That I need to start being honest with myself & the people that matter to me.
You can say sorry as many times as you'd like, but it won't change the past. However, it can change the way you think about the future. Are you willing to lose more important people in your life? If not, then something's gotta change.